Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in scott's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, May 27th, 2007
12:14 pm	wow After all these years, my account is still here. Lol. When is the last time i wrote in here anyway, it seems forever. Actually  i can just check the date of my last post, which can be easily done, but I'm just feeling lazy. Anyway, so my friends who have been a couple all these years since our freshman year, broke up. It was a great shock for me.  I guess it is because  that in our minds they have always been the people whom u figure they will definitely get married one day. These kind of stuff make you stop and think because sometimes we forget life isn't a straight line and there are plenty of twists-n-turns. sometimes we start regarding things as if they were a tennis ball thrown  out of someone's hand, with a certain path it will take. But when life throws us a curve ball, we are often caught off guard. Although it is in human nature to assume and generalize things. So what's the point of my babbling? I don't think i have one actually. Sometimes you just gotta write whatever that's on  your mind. no one is writing an essay here. no thesis is needed. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
3:17 am	hm... i need to write something. i just went over to Tiffany's place to drink a few. (good wine good wine) we talked about all sort of stuff. like how we ended up here, relationship stuff, people and so on. I had a lot of fun with her. i wonder if we will become good friends or even more, but we'll see. p.s. i hate you too, tiff ;) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
4:01 am	can't sleep it's one of those times that i can't sleep so i decided to rant on the freaking online journal. since that i haven't done so in LJ for a long time so i might as well do. Bday was prety nice. i drank and threw up. not exactly good feeling but it seems signicant in a way or another. i'm not sure how to put them in words. It's sort of like something you have to do at a time like that. it doesn't have to be the right thing to do, but it's just the thing to do at that momement. haha i'm not sure if i'm making any sense. well time is flying by pretty fast. I"m doing okay this semester i think, but i could do better i suppose. i'm gonna try to put off games for a while. maybe 2 weeks. do some work then we'll see wat happens. haha so i was kind of tipsy when i was trying to make my bday wish. It didn't come to me right away. my mind was tangled. maybe it wasthe liquor, but my thought just wasn't flowing. so basically i froze there for a bit, then i just sort of made a wish. even now i'm not sure if i made the wish that i really wish for. but watever it's only a superstition neway. Sean got me a mp3 player. it's small and compact. it's rather useful. it's a good gift!! Thanks Sean. hehe even tho u don't even know that i have this but yea, no one says that thanks have to be heard. Sumtimes it's better to keep it unknown. i feel kind of empty from time to time. i don't seem to have a goal to reach to. Maybe i'm just a coward looking for an easy way out. dodging and turning and seeking for another break. perhaps if i can sleep forever i don't have to worry so much. haha i used to think that i don't want to die cause there seemed to be a lot of things to look forward to. but as i grow older, those "hope" seem to be vanishing into the thin air. i don't grasp the reality any more. i used to be a person with a lot more positive energy. I didn't care for nothing and just relaxed. but as the reality came crashing down on my lil ideal lazy world, my optimisticism like a band of Indian under fire of modern guns, running, fleeing and bleeding. yea...there are still some of them left, but most of them live on reserve now. Yun told me not to live in the past.. 4:17am, and i still can't sleep. that's some powerful energy drink. (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 16th, 2004
3:30 am	嗯 你也許不知道我就是在不知不覺中..喜歡上妳 但是我們是不適合在一起...所以我只能把我心情隱藏起來...當這一切是回億...一個甜美的回億 (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 21st, 2004
2:09 pm	nothing testing testing... 8 more days until i hit Taiwan testing testing.... (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 13th, 2004
4:39 am	大家好我的名字叫作彭誠修 . 我們今天來這裡的原因是為了慶祝我的婆婆的生 日所以 “婆婆生日快樂” 我知道您們大家都已經知道我的婆婆是一個很厲害的人 她可以把不可能的事便成可能的 我的婆婆婆很棒 我非常愛她 我小的時候都跟我婆婆一起睡,我常常會梯被子,婆婆怕我生病,所以她會幫我蓋被子,但是在蓋被子之前,她都會打我屁股. 跟從小到大都是婆婆照顧我的 我記的小時候是婆婆教我abc 她在我旁邊陪我寫abc (其實比較像是在盯這我　笑～) 是婆婆教我分別對錯.我做對時她會鼓勵我多做一點,做錯時她會除罰我 我的婆婆教了我很多關於人生的道理,　其中一個是關於心事. 我記得有一天晚上我睡不着覺,但是我不知道為什麼　然後婆婆問我有沒有什麼心事在打擾我,　那時我才發覺為什麼我睡不著. 小時候我常常和婆婆一起睡, 我有梯被子的習慣,婆婆怕我生病,都會幫我再蓋上被子,有時候蓋被子前會打我的屁股 (Comment on this)
4:10 am	大家好我的名字叫作彭誠修 . 我們今天來這裡的原因是為了慶祝我的婆婆的生 日所以 “婆婆生日快樂” 我知道您們大家都已經知道我的婆婆是一個很厲害的人 她可以把不可能的事便成可能的 我的婆婆婆很棒 我非常愛她 我小的時候都跟我婆婆一起睡,我常常會梯被子,婆婆怕我生病,所以她會幫我蓋被子,但是在蓋被子之前,她都會打我屁股. 跟從小到大都是婆婆照顧我的 我記的小時候是婆婆教我abc 她在我旁邊陪我寫abc (其實比較像是在盯這我　笑～) 是婆婆教我分別對錯. 我的婆婆教了我很多關於人生的道理,　其中一個是關於心事. 我記得有一天晚上我睡不着覺,但是我不知道為什麼　然後婆婆問我有沒有什麼心事在打擾我,　那時我才發覺為什麼我睡不著. 　 (Comment on this)
Monday, November 17th, 2003
5:22 pm	thinking kills, but i think im starting the whole thing once again about what i'm doing memory emerges when i'm talking to her, the pain, the sweetness, and all the passion....i don't know out~ (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 12th, 2003
8:59 pm	btw i hate you for confusing me, as much as i loved you (Comment on this)
8:46 pm	when i was japanese drama, i feel sort of upset watching sumone being so indecisive and resulting in hurting sumone else, while im not a straight-shooter, does it make me a kind of hypocrite? as i watching Star War 2: attack of the clone, and i looked at her, which reminds me of sumone, in a way, it pains me. i don't know if i still care nor if i still feel for her. maybe the pain is from sum sort of regrets, or depression. I don't know. Shing Ching je dong xi is so hard to explain. if only i can find sumting to completely occupy my mind with so i don't think about this kind of stuff, then maybe i will be free of pain or sadness. i just need sumone that i can be close with (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 19th, 2003
3:40 am	the drift of a heart it's almost been one month since then. there are still times that i still feel the rush and need of talking to you, and feel the attraction toward you. slowly i think im falling out, whether it's becuz i'm forcing myself, or just naturally. so i was thinking sumthing about it, then i talked to sumone about it KeYaMiNA: you know how they say guys aren't really persistent : yea KeYaMiNA: when they get rejected they move to sumone else KeYaMiNA: but wouldn't it be a li annoying when you really do'nt like a person and they just won't give up? : yeah i guess : but i mean how quickly do they give up KeYaMiNA: i guess KeYaMiNA: i don't know KeYaMiNA: but what's the real point of being persistent? KeYaMiNA: if you guys don't click : tru KeYaMiNA: is it really worth going through all the troubel KeYaMiNA: just to see if it will finally work out : but if you dont click why would ask her out? KeYaMiNA: well, purely one-sided click i guess KeYaMiNA: haha KeYaMiNA: ya know what i mean KeYaMiNA: that's what happen most of the time : i guess KeYaMiNA: yea KeYaMiNA: i really dont' get how it works KeYaMiNA: like when shouldn't you give up KeYaMiNA: and when should you give up the thing is, even tho i don't want to give up, i will have to....i dont know how to exactly put them in words..... and don't blame guys for a change of heart so quickly, when there is no room for his heart, his heart will surely go sumone else, it's the law of nature. i did love you, but now i'm going away from the dream, bit by bit. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 17th, 2003
12:17 am	... there are things you can't say it....until it's the time to regret about not saying it... do i make sense here?! yes i confuse myself and my heart.... (Comment on this)
Friday, May 16th, 2003
6:22 pm	12i 52520?! once there is a heart broken, and sumone with her hand mends it thru cares, but when this person thought he was cured, and his heart started racing with passion once again, he died, cuz his heart wasn't really mended...and there were still scars.... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 16th, 2003
4:52 am	5 0clock in the morning right now i'm listening to my Jap anime music and getting into my thoughtful mode. The other side of me. I dont know what to talk about right now, i guess i'll type whatever comes to my mind first. First i did some studying today (or yesterday, to be specific). it felt good cuz that fact that i actually enjoyed it. It's a way i haven't felt for a long time. I also watched two movies, suicide club(circle), and ping-pong. Both got their own lil themes going on. Suicide club was disturbing as its name, its theme was quite mind boggling as well. PingPong was about friendship, competition, decision in life, and compassion....Any Toan's idea for the day was "i can't sleep cuz i'm too hungry", and after being translated by me, it becomes => food is essential for your mind to rest in peace. No Food = No mind. i'm getting sleepy. too much bs for today i think so. edit, i don't know..if i really do like you. i still miss your absence from me, but i'm getting used to the fact you aren't around me all the time, perhaps i have numbed myself. magger: you must really like her i don't know. bu zhi dou (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 8th, 2003
3:02 am	..... i don't know if i like you or not, but i guess i do. Cause whenever we stop talking online, i would stare at your sn on my buddy list wondering when you would msg me, or checking your away msg seeing what you are doing right now. I also wonder if you like me or not. Am i just a friend to you? or sumone more? or sumone even lesser? i think maybe we are just good friends, then again why didn't you tell me anything about that person? or things like that? i dont know and i'm confused.Once again. When you say sumthing, do yo always mean it, or you just say it to everyone else like as if those words are nothing special, but at least for me, altho i would saying them w/o acing serious, those words can't be truer. But what do i expect from you? from me? from us? I don't know what to expect and what not to. In my mind, liking you doesn't seem like such a wise idea, but who can think logcailly when it comes to love or sumthing like that. Why couldn't i tell you how i really felt? why do i always have to go around hinting things and holding back instead of saying things straight out. Maybe heart-breaking stories are all over and i'm afraid to take the risk of being a vicitm of such. Yet again and again, i let you outta my grasp and the dream of us seems further and further away from me... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 24th, 2003
2:35 am	journal 3 hm..So why am I writing in my journal again? Guess I’m bored again. I just sort of finished my work-out and washing dishes, and I went upstairs to use internet, but my brother’s computer crashed on me, so I just like “screw it.” Anyway, I don’t know what I’m going to talk about what happened today, I guess I just feel like typing or something. I already did type stuff about spring break or today on xanga, but I guess it wasn’t enough. I did a lot of thinking when I was in the hot bath today, well I didn’t have much of options in the bath since I didn’t have my cd player with me. I thought of things. Some of them I’ll need to just keep it to myself and shall not talk about, but some I guess it would be okay for me to put down. I guess I’m getting more and more in need to get a girlfriend. I don’t know why though, but I feel the need to. Perhaps it’s because seeing Sea and Ben together, or perhaps I just want to be with someone since I’m so bored most of the time. I don’t know what I can get out of a relationship. What would you expect out of a relationship anyway? Yea, I was thinking about getting a girlfriend and who could be my options. Lol. But I know nothing is going to happen. Like someone said to me the other day, I wasn’t good looking at all. Fuck it’s true. Haha. It’s sad, yea, I don’t really care about it. Then it’s my freaking bitch attitude. I’m Mr. no-action. Then again, I’m a very swallow person. I mean, I’ve got nothing too interesting to attract a girl. Sad, isn’t it? well, that’s the story of my life. I’ll just settle for a nice guy that people would think of once in a while when they need help or a few laugh or someone to listen to their sadness. Man I wanna be loved. I’m like love-a-holic right now. It must because it’s getting late. I remember one day I was bitching to my friend about how no one loved me, and he replied me with a line, which made me ponder a bit. He said, “well, you never knew, I mean, how many times you liked a person and actually told them how you felt.” It’s true, but yet I argued that although what he said could be true but at least when I liked a person, even though I never told them by words how I felt, I always would tell them by my action, which from my experience was pretty damn obvious. (at least that’s what other people told me). But as right now, I haven’t seen anything like that. Sigh, it’s just God-damn-it. Before I never really needed much love partially due to the fact I could play all day and all that so I was okay (although still in need) about not having someone to love or be loved by someone. Now that my balling time has gone down so much that I actually have so much god-damn time to think, especially on the buses. It kills. Perhaps I need someone to talk to, but who can actually understand me? I need May. She always knows how I feel. Sigh. It’s so freaking depressing. I’ve got to stop now before I lose my sanity typing these. Emotion is complicated. And I need a girl!! Lolz. I crack myself up p.s saw Elaine today, well, didn’t exactly say hi to her. Don’t know why but yea..i hate u too..lolz (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:00 am	journal 2 Journal 2 After several months later now, I’m typing my second journal. Haha. Well, that’s me, just another lazy bum. The other day, I sort of got into this argument with Erica about my comments on looking at girls. Well, I said, “of course, I look at pretty girls. Well, ugly girls too, but not as long” She felt it’s very offensive. I guess in a way it is, but yet she judged that becuz of that, I therefore judge people by appearance. I’m sure that I don’t judge people by their appearance, but do I choose people with appearance preference? I don’t know, but I felt pretty offended that the fact that she thought I was superficial. Whatever, the thing was in the past, I don’t really want to talk about it cause it annoys me so. Right now my cd-rom is broken so I can’t really do much this computer right now. Perhaps that’s why I’m typing away. I remember the first entry was created under that condition that I couldn’t install sc and go online and play (or the period that we didn’t have cable at my house nemore) Perhaps this boring era actually gives me sometimes to think about things and actually type them down or whatever. In a way, it’s beneficial, although I have to spend about 40 to 50 dollars buying a new cd-rom or probably a burner so I can actually burn something, like a movie or some sort. I don’t know what’s ever going to happen with me and L. Probably never, since I don’t see her much, and I don’t do anything about it anyway. Perhaps in an active and passionate way, you can find romance. It may be brief or longer than you think, may be heart-breaking at the end, and the pain may be everlasting, but I wonder, if it’s worth it. Or perhaps I’m just happy to be living in a fantasy world wondering about what would happen and hoping a miracle that would bring us closer and eventually be together, but life isn’t perfect like the movies and it doesn’t work that way. I don’t know why I’m talking about it. Maybe I realize how fake I really am, or too idealistic I am. Until the chance is lost forever, then I wonder why I didn’t do, and if she had the same feeling for me, and if I made my move, would she have been mine…for just a little while. I’m sort of jealous of one of my friends. He was able to tell her about he felt, maybe he didn’t get what he wanted at the end and it didn’t work out well for him, but at least he knew that he had no regrets about never asking her, unlike me who always would have to wonder about it and regret about it. I don’t know why I still think about it. too much regrets?! Don’t know. It’s weird. I would like to thank everyone pushed me to be more forward, especially Dan and David. He(Dan) actually locked me out to give me the courage. David always told me to go after her, like an older brother watching over me. Well, sometimes he went a lil extreme though, but that’s him. Now this is a question to ponder about, would you go for sumone who you know that you two won’t work out and at the end, you would end up breaking up and someone might get hurt? Would it be fair to you, or her, for you to make the move? Shrug. I probably would end up going to a meeting set up by the matchmaker. Although in a way, I’m an extreme romanticist and I really like those people who actually love each other and go out and get to know each other more and eventually they become so inseparable that they then agree to marry each other, have a few kids or what not. But how slime the chance is, at least for me, it’s nearly zero. (I still have sum hope). Cause how many times, it would be us loving each other instead of just me, and out of how many times out of the if-ever chance of us loving each other that I would be brave enough to confirm that? If you know me, you knew it’s almost impossible. Oh well, I’m going to end here so I don’t get too depressed and start punching stuff like victor (drunk or not drunk) and realize the next day that I have done a stupid thing (wait did he ever realize that?!, lol). Peace Edit. I wonder if I would let you read this, after all, we did exchange all them journals. (Comment on this)
Monday, December 2nd, 2002
3:54 pm	wow i'm back at livejournal once again.. i guess i haven't had too much personal stuff i can talk about..so livejournal has been sort ignored.. it's not like that i have nething intimate to talk about right now either, but since xanga is acting weird for me...so i'm taking a break from it should i really go after Linda..i don't know...i don't even know what's my obsession about her...i dont' even know her that well... no matter what..i need to keep my head together..don't lose it..three more weeks until the end of this semster..sigh..sumtimes i wish i'm not born into this world.so i don't have to deal with so much shit...but good thing only sumtimes....sigh...i'm so sad..... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 12th, 2002
2:19 pm	college is fun....... i met many people, some are nice and friendly, sum are funny and crazy, sum are pretty and cute, and sumone got that play station 2 =) my new hang-out crew => ben duh/ den chung? (shit..what's his real last name) there are girls that i met too, some of them are cute hehe.. ^^ there is Linda, who is good at drawing/games, and she looks cute..she is pretty friendly her roomi, Julie is pretty nice too. she helped benny boi with his expo paper..hehe Stacy, canto, lives across my room, is really friendly and talkative... and there is Kyunghee, who is my calc class, doesn't talk much, but she helped me out with my calc hw and notes stuff. That's really nice of her. Good thing she didn't say no when i asked for helpz =D and there is joanne living upstair..she's freindly too. they are cool, in one way or another.... on the lighter note... cal hw...shit man, it's so fricking much...like 60 questions or sum what like that =P..spent 5 hours on it....but finished it!!! =)..physics labs today for another 2 and half hours...oish.. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 28th, 2002
12:52 am	i was in the bathroom thinking. What am i feeling right now, two days from moving to college? i recalled what i felt when i was moving here to United States 4 years ago. I couldn't let go off all the things i have known for all my life. I couldn't seem to leave my friends, some of them were so very close to me that i didn't think about leaving them so soon, even though i knew that eventually we will have to move on and be apart but at that momement i wasn't even thinking about that, you know how nearsighted young people are. It almost feels like the same as before, except that i'm only moving to the next state, not next continent. Even though some of the people i only knew them for 3 years or less but i guess after all we have been through, the length of the time doesn't really matter to the depth of the friendship. There are people i would never forget and i think they know who they are. Even though i might not say this to you, but i sure will miss you all a lot. I know the imagine of me would soon be faded away for many of you. It's okay i guess. I know if we care enough, i'll not fade out of your life, just becuz i have moved away. I just wanna bring up another subject. Parents always think that their children aren't capable of many things. They can't accept the way of young people and can nearly stand for kids to defy what they believe. I mean, they do have a lot more experience than us, but they have to konw that they have been that way also, so give us a break when we can't do as well as you do. And don't always compare us to the superior people. What you are doing is making us feel more inconfindent and sumtimes irratated. Parents sumtimes expect too much from their kids. They never wanted us to have fun. All they want for us is to study, study and work hard. i'm REAlly tired of that, but i know it's not yet the time for me to take a break yet. Soon i'lll have to deal with the reality. How sad. Whatever. I'll just deal with the shit. that's about wrapped up what im thinking and stuff sumone said that i should write a song...i'm thinking about it..well, one day i will (Comment on this)